Ayşegül Savaş about the Secret of Pregnancy

This week’s story, “Thoughts of the Holy,” is about a woman who found out she was pregnant—which was a surprise. He thinks of the face of the Virgin Mother in the Annunciation paintings and has a new understanding of the mystery of her vision. Do you think you are close to a happy state?

I wanted to explore all the invisible aspects that accompany pregnancy—the various superstitions, the sacred and secret glow that it is said to be made of.

The narrator feels that something has changed with the discovery of her pregnancy—but what, exactly? Everything seems the same from the outside, yet he has entered a new situation, the characteristics of which he cannot describe. If he is happy, his experience may also be shortened by the fact that he is trying to explain it.

She goes to a party and, while drinking a non-alcoholic beer, a man starts teasing her. He is the first person she confides in, but, as he jokingly asks her if she is of the Greek or American school of thought, talking about whether things should be kept to herself or shared, she she also raises awareness about the dangerous condition of pregnancy. Why did you want to express that opinion here?

Characteristically, that conversation is a foreshadowing of what is to come. But it is also the first of many beliefs about pregnancy that the narrator will encounter throughout the story. Announcing a pregnancy or keeping it a secret are ways we try to manage a very strange process. Much of the story is about this separation: the unnamed mystery and our attempts to piece it together through language and superstition.

The narrator has a friend, Zoe, with whom he used to be very close. They recently rekindled their friendship, and it turns out Zoe is pregnant. Their shared status brings them closer again, and the narrator points out, “I, too, had begun to speak like Zoe—about purposes and destiny, a deep knowledge of nature and our bodies.” She feels a greater connection to Zoe than she does to the father of her baby, a man she has yet to tell. Why do you think that is?

The narrator’s attitude towards her pregnancy is more traditional than practical. He wants to hold on to mystical feelings instead of making tangible plans. And she wants to be close to other women – to Zoe and her mother – because she believes they will understand her situation better than her baby’s father. At the same time, he has a sense of self, which is almost arrogant; it is only concerned with him, his body, and the imaginary light he emits. He shares his news with Zoe to give in to these feelings. The way they both talk about the pregnancy is meant to emphasize its mystery, yet it also misses the mark, perhaps because it is unknown; it has to do with contemporary culture, the way the sacred and the body have been used in New Age language.

The narrator begins to bleed, and it appears that she is losing the baby. In the story, when she begins to talk about her pregnancy and the beginning of the miscarriage, she uses the word “it” – is it because both expressions are more basic than language?

Yes, these countries do not have a language, and their declarations are not complete in their own way. Later in the story, the narrator says that the physical pain of the miscarriage freed her from the need to give meaning. I think that pure experience is more sacred than our attempts to include basic states in ritual actions – they cannot be combined with the “flat level” of everyday life.

As the narrator’s pregnancy ends, Zoe is celebrating hers. The narrator feels that Zoe is avoiding the damaged spirit that has surrounded her. Later, he is more generous about Zoe’s influence, and believes that he may hear from her soon. How do you think readers will respond? Do you think they will understand Zoe’s silence, or judge it on behalf of the narrator?

I wonder about that. Zoe hasn’t done anything yet clearly error. In addition, he sends the narrator many kind messages, and at the end of the story the narrator is sure that Zoe will meet soon and propose a suitable conversation. At the same time, Zoe’s reaction is indifferent enough, and it is certainly very different from how he reacted when he heard the news of the reporter’s pregnancy. I think Zoe is consumed by her own happiness and will not make someone else suffer, at least not right away. Finally, what seems to be at the top of Zoe’s feelings about the miscarriage is the logical reason for her silence: if we were to ask Zoe why she didn’t call her friend, she would say something that sounds smart, maybe that you are making room for him. his happiness before he noticed those around him. But these reasons would not be very different from the way Zoe and the reporter talked about their pregnancy a few weeks before, trying to name their special situation, to turn it into a kind of success.

Will the feeling of understanding this other world and its depth remain with the narrator?

I think so. At the same time, I think he’ll remember it differently than how he talked about it with Zoe, and his attempts to weed it. This story is about our relationship with intangibles, but it is also shaped by language, so even though we readers understand that the narrator has changed, we cannot know exactly what this change entails. ♦

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